Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
