dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
pop tarts are not kleenex
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Drunk is a universal language darling
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
