My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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