wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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