We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
