apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
