I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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