yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
