dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
