Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize
