We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
