wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
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If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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