He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
