Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
