apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
