So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
