you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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