I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
