sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
