That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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