Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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