i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
