He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
