If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
