its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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