I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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