By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
