sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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