I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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