Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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