Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
