Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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