He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
