i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
