; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
