: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
