he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This baby is an asshole
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
