my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
