Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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