At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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