I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
third nipple confirmed
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize