I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
