just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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