wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
