He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
