Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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