this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My vagina just clenched in fear
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