Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
