you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
