just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
