the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
