Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.

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(503): View more from Oregon

You'll be proud of me

(1-503): View more from Oregon

Who did you not have sex with

(503): View more from Oregon

Damn it...you know me too well

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(313): View more from Michigan

hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?

(734): View more from Michigan

nope, you were tallying rejections at the party

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(817): View more from Texas

you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for

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(217): View more from Illinois

Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home

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(519): View more from Ontario

You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

What's the mantra for Sunday?

(606): View more from Kentucky

I will not have sex with him.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"

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(760): View more from California

Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.

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