How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
