My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
