I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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