Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you will always have a special place in my vag
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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