I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
