I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
