ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize