Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Randomize
