But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
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Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
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So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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