I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
