was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
