apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
