After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
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It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
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Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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