Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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