How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
