Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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