Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
