I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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