I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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