your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
