she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
