Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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