Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
