How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
