Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
time to smoke my breakfast
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
