Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
