i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
