WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize