You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
