Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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